Rainbows

I’m a big fan of being real and authentic. Life isn’t rainbows and butterflies and mine certainly isn’t simple right now. My life has been a mess recently.

I am exhausted. Physically, emotionally, mentally. Exhausted.

But not spiritually. The only times I seem to find rest are when I am laughing and spending time with the Lord.

The Lord is teaching me patience. I would have told you a year ago that I have been learning patience my whole life, which is true. But never have I been so attacked with a period of waiting for God’s promises and learning to love others through their brokenness.

But God has sent reminders of his promises. A rainbow is the sign of God’s Covenant with Noah to never destroy the whole Earth again with a flood. It has since been a beautiful reminder that He is faithful and good. He affirms the whispers when I am being hounded by winds of unbelief.

This morning, I sat in my childhood bedroom with the need to re-read that passage in Genesis 9. I could have pulled up my Bible app because I left my Bible at my house. But this was a physical moment. I needed to open up the physical pages of the Bible and underline and allow God’s story to permeate my heart.

I found the Bible I used for most of my middle and high school years. It is warped and filled with rectangles of cardstock used to guide distracted teenagers through Wednesday night youth group. Some of those have doodles and others have the words written by a girl I would barely recognize.

As I read the thoughts and notes taken by my younger self, I realized how formative those years were. This isn’t exactly relevant to this post, but the girl who went to youth group every week and sang in the youth band thought she was a fraud. She went to church every week, twice a week, but thought she wasn’t really a Christian because she wrestled with her faith. Girl, let me tell you, your wrestling led you to a lot of truth. Those prayers you prayed that seemed to go unanswered were just answered differently.

Reading through the memories and sermon notes in that Bible brought tears to my eyes. Remembering that girl, so very innocent and untroubled with pain. But Annie Downs reminded me in her book Remember God (you should read it) that pain is provision. The Lord is providing truth and comfort through the pain.

My plans always seemed to be disrupted. Just like my plan to read Genesis 9 this morning was disrupted. I read over memories of that girl who thought she knew hurt and prayed for a husband (thinking she would get married at 22). Those plans were disrupted and it was certainly for the better. The girl who prayed the Lord would protect her heart, even though she didn’t know what that meant. And He has because He is faithful and cares for his children. My plans have been disrupted in the very best ways because God has stepped in and directed my path (Proverbs 16:9).

So as I sat in my childhood bedroom, I was reminded of the Lord’s faithfulness and his promises. His Covenant with Noah and reminder to me that through this mess He is doing something good. So, as I wrestle with patience, I will dwell on His faithfulness and promises.