Seventy times Seven

"He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea." Micah 7:19

I found myself angry at and jealous of a friend because of things that happened years ago. I didn't want to extend a small kindness because my heart was once again hardened to this friend. Hadn't I forgiven them? Why I am I holding on to hurt and stubbornly holding back?

In my head, my anger hurts the other person. In truth, it only damages my heart and helps lock it up. I question again if I had truly offered forgiveness. If I have forgiven them, why am I still angry and hurt, unrelenting and miserable?

I don't want to hold on to this bitterness. I want to be free from the pain caused and its effects on this relationship. I want restoration, again. I need to forgive them and myself, again. And again and again and again.

Forgiveness is not a one time thing. Why I ever thought it was, I don't know. I learned early on from VeggieTales that we should forgive our brothers and sisters 70 times 7 (they borrowed that one from Jesus in Matthew 18:21-22). But I didn't think it would mean choosing to forgive my past seventy times seven. 

It only wounds the heart more to hold on to hurt and anger and hate. We tell children not to pick at scabs. Let them heal. We are picking at scabs and tearing into scars when we keep hurt close. It chains the heart to anger, even when forgiveness has taken place.

The Enemy loves to poke at our scars, to bring them back as wounds, and convince us we have the right to be angry and punish those who have wronged us. However, this hurts our own hearts just as much, if not more. And I would argue more.

Anger, bitterness, jealousy. My continual struggles. They are contrary to grace.

As I have been processing this and learning to continually forgive myself and others, I stumbled upon this quote from Changed Women's Ministry: 

"Forgiving others is an act of kindness toward yourself so you can heal and move on...forgiveness helps us step away from circumstances that weigh us down and step into what God has for us".

Step into what God has for us. Because it isn't about us. It is about His glory and the works He is doing through us. He forgives us because He is the good Father. He is also the Healer.

The scars the Enemy tries to bring back as wounds are an opportunity to lean in to the Healer. Not pick up anger towards our brothers and sisters as the Enemy would like for us to do.

We are called to forgive the other broken fragmented hurting people and lean into the healing our Father has for us to display His glory.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4: 31-32