Lean In
Advent. A season of hope and anticipation. A season to celebrate the birth of a Savior.
A season currently covered in anxiety for no known reason. The past few days I have been riddled with anxiety. I've known it before and figured I wouldn't meet it again anytime soon.
I sat down on Sunday afternoon to write this post about how the Lord has brought so much restoration in the past year. How I have been learning to lean in to the hard things that I would rather ignore. And by this I mean I have been leaning in to processing things that happened two-three-four years ago, finally. Because the Lord has been restoring me in the most beautiful ways this year, but He swiftly reminded me He is not finished.
When I write a post, it is either about something I have learned and think I am done with or something I am passionate about. Sometimes both and more often the former. In the case of this post, I certainly thought the former. Always, it is words the Lord has put on my heart. If not, it doesn't get finished or is complete poo. Because I am not a great writer or communicator, so if what is written is communicated well it is not by my own doing.
As I tried to write this post on Sunday, I didn't get past the first line. Maybe because I got distracted by the Hallmark Christmas movie I was watching or my thoughts or the fact that I was tired. Or because the Lord has more to teach me about this idea of leaning in to pain.
I have spent the past several days leaning on the Lord and it has been incredible. Painful? Yes. Anxiety isn't seen and it shows its ugly face in many ways. It hurts emotionally and physically and it is frustrating because I don't have a reason for it right now.
In the past year the Lord has sweetly shown me who I am in Him. In January He revealed I have been a different person for the past two and a half years. And I felt so much shame for that girl who did not choose joy. Who gave in to the Devil's whispering and became cynical and angry and wore a chip on her shoulder.
But Abba reminded me I am His daughter. There is no condemnation for those who are in Him (Romans 8:1). He is working all things, my disobedience and rebellion, for my good and to demonstrate His glory (Romans 8:28). Honestly, just go read Romans 8 out loud.
I love how Michael W. Smith phrases it in his song Sovereign Over Us:
"Even what the Enemy means for evil, you are turning for our good. For our good and Your glory. Even in the valley You are faithful. You're working for our good. For our good and for Your glory".
I have been brought back to these verses and lyrics time and time again this year as the Lord has restored my heart to Him. In restoring my heart to Him, He has also restored me back to myself. When Abba Father placed me on this earth 24 years ago, He gave me a joyful spirit that fiercely loves her people. Actually, He placed it there long before because Psalm 139 tell me He knew me before I was formed.
He has been and still is restoring my heart to Him and creating me to be the woman He has ordained me to be. And right now that looks like me clinging and crying out to Him as I go throughout my day. It should look like that everyday and one reason He is allowing this anxiety might be to teach me just that. Because He is still good amidst pain. He is still and will forever be my joy.
Hebrews 4:12 says the Word of God is living and active, sharper than a two-edged sword. Ephesians 6:11 tells us to put on the armor of God, so that is what He has been teaching me to do in the past few days where I can't seem to shake anxiety unless I am quoting scripture or reading the Bible out loud.
In a way, anxiety is an answer to the two prayers I have consistently said for the past month. My prayers have been that my desire would be for the Lord and He would show me how He delights in me. As I am attacked by anxiety, I turn to truth where He shows me how He delights in me as His daughter and my desire and love for Abba becomes greater. My roots go deep and long for more. Because even what the Enemy means for evil, Abba Father turns it for our good and His glory.
Some verses I frequently use to combat anxiety and remind myself of truth.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23: 4
"The Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Again, I will build you, and you shall be built." Jeremiah 31:3-4
"For the weapons of our warfare is not the flesh but we have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:4-5
"For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs-heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him." Romans 8: 15-17 (Seriously go read Romans 8 out loud)
Psalm 33, Jeremiah 31, John 15: 1-17, Luke 1: 46-56
Here's a sweet photo taken by my talented friend Andrew Lowry, that greatly demonstrates the joy the Lord has given me because of His great love for us.
A season currently covered in anxiety for no known reason. The past few days I have been riddled with anxiety. I've known it before and figured I wouldn't meet it again anytime soon.
I sat down on Sunday afternoon to write this post about how the Lord has brought so much restoration in the past year. How I have been learning to lean in to the hard things that I would rather ignore. And by this I mean I have been leaning in to processing things that happened two-three-four years ago, finally. Because the Lord has been restoring me in the most beautiful ways this year, but He swiftly reminded me He is not finished.
When I write a post, it is either about something I have learned and think I am done with or something I am passionate about. Sometimes both and more often the former. In the case of this post, I certainly thought the former. Always, it is words the Lord has put on my heart. If not, it doesn't get finished or is complete poo. Because I am not a great writer or communicator, so if what is written is communicated well it is not by my own doing.
As I tried to write this post on Sunday, I didn't get past the first line. Maybe because I got distracted by the Hallmark Christmas movie I was watching or my thoughts or the fact that I was tired. Or because the Lord has more to teach me about this idea of leaning in to pain.
I have spent the past several days leaning on the Lord and it has been incredible. Painful? Yes. Anxiety isn't seen and it shows its ugly face in many ways. It hurts emotionally and physically and it is frustrating because I don't have a reason for it right now.
In the past year the Lord has sweetly shown me who I am in Him. In January He revealed I have been a different person for the past two and a half years. And I felt so much shame for that girl who did not choose joy. Who gave in to the Devil's whispering and became cynical and angry and wore a chip on her shoulder.
But Abba reminded me I am His daughter. There is no condemnation for those who are in Him (Romans 8:1). He is working all things, my disobedience and rebellion, for my good and to demonstrate His glory (Romans 8:28). Honestly, just go read Romans 8 out loud.
I love how Michael W. Smith phrases it in his song Sovereign Over Us:
"Even what the Enemy means for evil, you are turning for our good. For our good and Your glory. Even in the valley You are faithful. You're working for our good. For our good and for Your glory".
I have been brought back to these verses and lyrics time and time again this year as the Lord has restored my heart to Him. In restoring my heart to Him, He has also restored me back to myself. When Abba Father placed me on this earth 24 years ago, He gave me a joyful spirit that fiercely loves her people. Actually, He placed it there long before because Psalm 139 tell me He knew me before I was formed.
He has been and still is restoring my heart to Him and creating me to be the woman He has ordained me to be. And right now that looks like me clinging and crying out to Him as I go throughout my day. It should look like that everyday and one reason He is allowing this anxiety might be to teach me just that. Because He is still good amidst pain. He is still and will forever be my joy.
Hebrews 4:12 says the Word of God is living and active, sharper than a two-edged sword. Ephesians 6:11 tells us to put on the armor of God, so that is what He has been teaching me to do in the past few days where I can't seem to shake anxiety unless I am quoting scripture or reading the Bible out loud.
In a way, anxiety is an answer to the two prayers I have consistently said for the past month. My prayers have been that my desire would be for the Lord and He would show me how He delights in me. As I am attacked by anxiety, I turn to truth where He shows me how He delights in me as His daughter and my desire and love for Abba becomes greater. My roots go deep and long for more. Because even what the Enemy means for evil, Abba Father turns it for our good and His glory.
Some verses I frequently use to combat anxiety and remind myself of truth.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23: 4
"The Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Again, I will build you, and you shall be built." Jeremiah 31:3-4
"For the weapons of our warfare is not the flesh but we have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:4-5
"For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs-heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him." Romans 8: 15-17 (Seriously go read Romans 8 out loud)
Psalm 33, Jeremiah 31, John 15: 1-17, Luke 1: 46-56
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