It's okay to not be okay
"Hey, how are you doing?"
"I'm fine. How are you?"
"I'm okay."
I am asked this question all the time. Multiple times a day. And my response is often genuine and accurately represents how I am doing; however, when I am sad or not okay I don't say that. I respond with "I'm fine", or "I'm okay".
I feel pressured to always be fine and happy. In fact, I have received many notes of encouragement describing me as so. While I am many times happy and bubbly, I am also faking it a good percentage of the time.
One of the many lies I believe is that if I am okay and if those around me are okay, then everything is good. So, I pretend I am okay sometimes to please everyone because I innately do want to please others. And I have found that the people around me like "Happy Carrie" more.
It isn't natural to be happy all the time. I am deceiving myself and others if I believe I am.
The other day I came to a realization through a conversation with Stacie Marshall. We were talking about grief and how we grieve. I told her I don't like emotional pain and I have a hard time allowing myself to be sad because of that. I don't want to be sad because it hurts. And honestly, no one else likes for me to be sad.
Stacie told me that it's okay to be sad. In fact, it is necessary. It is normal. It is healthy.
Flash forward about two hours and I receive an email while waiting for my pizza at the mall. I had been waiting for this email since the beginning of March. It began:
"Thank you for participating in..." [whenever you get this email, you know you did not get a job. It's the nice way to reject people].
I really thought I would get this job for the summer and was crushed.
My friend Rhett was with me and learned about this as we were eating our dinner. [Tears and pizza make for a great meal, by the way]. As I was rambling on about how I was upset and disappointed, I said, "I'll be fine".
Rhett looked at me and said, "No, you're not. It's okay to not be fine".
My mind was completely blown.
It is okay to be sad. It is okay to not be fine.
Isaiah 53:3-4 says Jesus is a "man or sorrows who is acquainted with grief".
He was tempted by Satan. In John 11, he wept over his friend's death. One of his closest friends, Peter, denied he knew Jesus. Another friend betrayed him. He was mocked, whipped, and put on a cross. He bore my sins on that cross. He died, so that I could live with him one day.
Jesus knows what it looks like to be sad and to not be fine.
He wasn't always happy. Happy is just an emotion. Jesus didn't just die on a cross, but rose again. If he just died and stayed in the tomb, then we would have nothing to rejoice over. But he is alive and to quote a great hymn, "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow...and life is worth the living, just because He lives".
And because He lives I have joy, which comes only from my Father.
"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."
Habakkuk 3:17-18
"So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you."
John 16:22
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."
Romans 15:13
"I'm fine. How are you?"
"I'm okay."
I am asked this question all the time. Multiple times a day. And my response is often genuine and accurately represents how I am doing; however, when I am sad or not okay I don't say that. I respond with "I'm fine", or "I'm okay".
I feel pressured to always be fine and happy. In fact, I have received many notes of encouragement describing me as so. While I am many times happy and bubbly, I am also faking it a good percentage of the time.
One of the many lies I believe is that if I am okay and if those around me are okay, then everything is good. So, I pretend I am okay sometimes to please everyone because I innately do want to please others. And I have found that the people around me like "Happy Carrie" more.
It isn't natural to be happy all the time. I am deceiving myself and others if I believe I am.
The other day I came to a realization through a conversation with Stacie Marshall. We were talking about grief and how we grieve. I told her I don't like emotional pain and I have a hard time allowing myself to be sad because of that. I don't want to be sad because it hurts. And honestly, no one else likes for me to be sad.
Stacie told me that it's okay to be sad. In fact, it is necessary. It is normal. It is healthy.
Flash forward about two hours and I receive an email while waiting for my pizza at the mall. I had been waiting for this email since the beginning of March. It began:
"Thank you for participating in..." [whenever you get this email, you know you did not get a job. It's the nice way to reject people].
I really thought I would get this job for the summer and was crushed.
My friend Rhett was with me and learned about this as we were eating our dinner. [Tears and pizza make for a great meal, by the way]. As I was rambling on about how I was upset and disappointed, I said, "I'll be fine".
Rhett looked at me and said, "No, you're not. It's okay to not be fine".
My mind was completely blown.
It is okay to be sad. It is okay to not be fine.
Isaiah 53:3-4 says Jesus is a "man or sorrows who is acquainted with grief".
He was tempted by Satan. In John 11, he wept over his friend's death. One of his closest friends, Peter, denied he knew Jesus. Another friend betrayed him. He was mocked, whipped, and put on a cross. He bore my sins on that cross. He died, so that I could live with him one day.
Jesus knows what it looks like to be sad and to not be fine.
He wasn't always happy. Happy is just an emotion. Jesus didn't just die on a cross, but rose again. If he just died and stayed in the tomb, then we would have nothing to rejoice over. But he is alive and to quote a great hymn, "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow...and life is worth the living, just because He lives".
And because He lives I have joy, which comes only from my Father.
"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."
Habakkuk 3:17-18
"So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you."
John 16:22
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."
Romans 15:13
Sometimes it takes processing in the pain and hurt. Once you process and pray your attitude toward the problem will change. You still might not be ok - but you begin to accept that life is hard and full of challenges.
ReplyDeleteLove you in every emotional state, but happy carefree Carrie is my favorite!
Mom