Change of Heart
For those of you who don't know, God has a sense of humor. I like the phrase, "Man plans, God laughs". It rings true for me so often! It just serves as a reminder that God's plans are so much greater than my own.
My plan as of one year ago was to become an RA. I had prayed about it, talked to my family and friends, and it seemed like the perfect job for me as I went into Junior Block. I felt great about my application, interviews, and had several friends who were current RAs tell me I would be a great fit.
You can imagine my surprise when I received a rejection letter. Lesson #1: never count on getting a job that could easily go to someone else who is just as qualified.
I struggled a lot with what God's plan for me was and why He had closed this door before I had a chance to open it. I got tired of hearing the phrase, "God has something so much better in store". Mostly because I knew it was true, but I just couldn't fathom what could be better than being an RA.
Not too long after I began this struggle, I found out about a ministry called 301a from someone at church and a few weeks later AJ and Lola Pierce, who started it, came to Seven Hills. In short, they are loving the community they are in by loving on the kids who live in the apartment complex next to their house by helping them with their homework once a week. The vast majority of the families and children are Hispanic. It is a beautiful ministry that grabbed my attention.
Now before I get into the heart of this, I have to backtrack a bit and explain a few things. During the third and fourth year of the Winshape College Program the students form teams based on a common passion for a specific community or issue within society. This is known as a Community Impact Team (CIT). My heart was not in CITs nor did I know which one I would join. I figured I would just join one that had to do with kids or women's ministry.
I did NOT want to be a CIT leader. In fact, I was vehemently against it. Many people suggested God was leading me to do so when I found out about RA. I shut that notion down quickly.
Back to the story. After finding out about 301a, Stacie Marshall approached me about working with them and possibly leading a CIT. I initially planned on just going each week to volunteer as a tutor, but after hearing AJ and Lola's story I just knew God wanted me there. So, I announced the idea to create a CIT working with 301a. I was able to get five other juniors and seniors to be a part of the team. Bam! I'm a CIT leader by the end of my sophomore year.
Fast forward to Labor Day weekend. It is CIT Initiative and I, along with the other 3rd and 4th year WCP students, have to stay at Winshape Retreat and plan for our Community Impact Teams. You think I would be excited, but I was quite the opposite. I didn't want to go. I had two good friends coming into town that I couldn't see. I had forgotten why God wanted me to do this. I did not feel prepared or qualified to lead a CIT. I still wanted to be an RA and thought that was a better alternative.
I shared these thoughts with my mom and older sister before we started our activities. They encouraged me to take a walk, pray, read my Bible. So, I went on a walk to the pond at Retreat. I found a porch swing and began to pour my heart out to God. The frustrations. The hurt. The disappointment. The negative thoughts my mind produces. The overall feeling that I could not do this. Among other things.
"Be still and know that I am God.I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted among the earth!" Psalm 46:10.
In this still moment, God reminded me of the passion He has given me to educate children. To love them and show them how unique they are. I believe education is a means of rising out of poverty. We can shape a nation of citizens who will have the knowledge and compassion to help others.
It was the beginning of God reigniting this passion. The beginning of an exhausting, but good weekend. The beginning of a solid team. The beginning of many retreats into solitude and quiet time with my Father.
I am finally at peace with not being an RA. This is not easier, but it is so worth investing in. I have a phenomenal team. We are a little puzzle that fits together better than I could have ever imagined. I still don't fully know what I am doing, but I trust that God will guide me.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
My plan as of one year ago was to become an RA. I had prayed about it, talked to my family and friends, and it seemed like the perfect job for me as I went into Junior Block. I felt great about my application, interviews, and had several friends who were current RAs tell me I would be a great fit.
You can imagine my surprise when I received a rejection letter. Lesson #1: never count on getting a job that could easily go to someone else who is just as qualified.
I struggled a lot with what God's plan for me was and why He had closed this door before I had a chance to open it. I got tired of hearing the phrase, "God has something so much better in store". Mostly because I knew it was true, but I just couldn't fathom what could be better than being an RA.
Not too long after I began this struggle, I found out about a ministry called 301a from someone at church and a few weeks later AJ and Lola Pierce, who started it, came to Seven Hills. In short, they are loving the community they are in by loving on the kids who live in the apartment complex next to their house by helping them with their homework once a week. The vast majority of the families and children are Hispanic. It is a beautiful ministry that grabbed my attention.
Now before I get into the heart of this, I have to backtrack a bit and explain a few things. During the third and fourth year of the Winshape College Program the students form teams based on a common passion for a specific community or issue within society. This is known as a Community Impact Team (CIT). My heart was not in CITs nor did I know which one I would join. I figured I would just join one that had to do with kids or women's ministry.
I did NOT want to be a CIT leader. In fact, I was vehemently against it. Many people suggested God was leading me to do so when I found out about RA. I shut that notion down quickly.
Back to the story. After finding out about 301a, Stacie Marshall approached me about working with them and possibly leading a CIT. I initially planned on just going each week to volunteer as a tutor, but after hearing AJ and Lola's story I just knew God wanted me there. So, I announced the idea to create a CIT working with 301a. I was able to get five other juniors and seniors to be a part of the team. Bam! I'm a CIT leader by the end of my sophomore year.
Fast forward to Labor Day weekend. It is CIT Initiative and I, along with the other 3rd and 4th year WCP students, have to stay at Winshape Retreat and plan for our Community Impact Teams. You think I would be excited, but I was quite the opposite. I didn't want to go. I had two good friends coming into town that I couldn't see. I had forgotten why God wanted me to do this. I did not feel prepared or qualified to lead a CIT. I still wanted to be an RA and thought that was a better alternative.
I shared these thoughts with my mom and older sister before we started our activities. They encouraged me to take a walk, pray, read my Bible. So, I went on a walk to the pond at Retreat. I found a porch swing and began to pour my heart out to God. The frustrations. The hurt. The disappointment. The negative thoughts my mind produces. The overall feeling that I could not do this. Among other things.
"Be still and know that I am God.I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted among the earth!" Psalm 46:10.
In this still moment, God reminded me of the passion He has given me to educate children. To love them and show them how unique they are. I believe education is a means of rising out of poverty. We can shape a nation of citizens who will have the knowledge and compassion to help others.
It was the beginning of God reigniting this passion. The beginning of an exhausting, but good weekend. The beginning of a solid team. The beginning of many retreats into solitude and quiet time with my Father.
I am finally at peace with not being an RA. This is not easier, but it is so worth investing in. I have a phenomenal team. We are a little puzzle that fits together better than I could have ever imagined. I still don't fully know what I am doing, but I trust that God will guide me.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
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